Life, Lessons & Love

Your Choice

February 1, 2018

“Am I awake at all? Do I wake up just to fall?” — Elise Trouw - Awake (Official Music Video)

Love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice.

Choose to love…

Choose to open your heart to another…

Choose to spend your time and attention… choose to give your gifts… choose to touch lovingly; physically, or even, with just your eyes… choose to share words of affirmation… choose to serve.

It is the expression of love that is real. It is that expression that changes the world.

When someone does this for you and you open your heart to them, you will feel “in love.”

But your willingness to offer your love conveys no rights to you whatsoever. The intended is under no obligation to accept your love.

In fact, you have no inherent right to express your love to another. The only thing inherent in your choice to love another is the obligation you then take on to be respectful, patient, kind and compassionate to that other. What they want matters… what you want, does not.

To be “in love” is a feeling… It is the experience of opening your heart to another. Opening your heart requires trust, or at least, the courage to let yourself be vulnerable.

Although many feelings are often intermingled, it is very helpful to see the distinctions clearly. As each experience unfolds, it is helpful to remember: true love is not a feeling, and the true “in love” feeling is not romance, sexual desire, or attachment. Sexual attraction, romantic attraction and attachment are all biological drives. Although they are often closely associated with love, the confusion of the drives and the feelings that come with those drives with “love” is a problem as old as humanity.

Your feelings don’t matter: your feelings are a consequence of your choices, not a basis for your choices.

It’s OK to pay attention to your feelings. But, then...

Choose wisely!