Life, Lessons & Love

More Children

December 26, 2020

Bringing Jen and her children into our home, into our lives, and into our family, wasn’t without precedent.

Jonas

In 2009, the call had gone out for someone willing to open their home to a German exchange student. The stock market crash of the prior year had disrupted the exchange program, and there was a need.

Still reeling from the losses I had experienced in the stock market, I logically figured, “why not!?” I don’t think Joanne or I considered the cost of “another mouth to feed.” We had hosted exchange students before, albeit for just a week or two in the prior two cases.

But this time, it just seemed obvious. And in July, Jonas stepped into our lives.

As the summer unfolded, it was clear that he was my son. Perhaps not through biology. But in every other way, he was my clone.

We spent every morning and afternoon together as I chauffeured him to and from school. He spoke English with an accent, but had a college-level vocabulary. He was smart. He knew his mind. He was confident, kind and outgoing. He was also an avid soccer player; well-loved by all his classmates. He was perfectly behaved. I rapidly began to lose track of the number of times in my discussions with Joanne where Jonas would offer a perspective aligned with my own. He finished my sentences.

And he established a pattern. Although it was a very different relationship than the one with my biological son, and a very different feeling to what I felt with my daughters, his presence opened a door in my awareness.

Through my love for Alexandra, I had come to understand “perfect love”—but she was my daughter—it was easy. Then, with Jonas, it was also easy.

I wasn’t conscious of it at the time, but the question which was shaped in that time was “Is this sort of love possible with anyone?”

Lisa

Before I could have posed that question, as we took Jonas to the airport for him to fly home to Germany in 2010, I already had the answer. We had seen his older sister on several occasions before and after Jonas’s visit; Lisa had been an Au Pair for a local family; by then, effectively, their daughter and older sister to their three girls. Their family’s relationship with Lisa was a hint of things to come within my own.

With Jonas as part of our family, we got more than we bargained for—we got his whole family—and Lisa led the way. I hadn’t anticipated it, but she made it clear, after we had taken Jonas into our home, we were family. The light in her eyes, and Lisa’s hugs are magic—the love, unmistakable. Every time, I’ve felt enveloped as she wraps her arms around me: all separation gone; one body; one love. …if only we could all make each other feel so completely loved…

So, yes… someday, this sort of love will be possible with anyone.

Isabella, Colette and Sophie

Because of our relationship with Jonas and Lisa, we became close with Stephan and Suzanne, the “local family” that introduced us to Jonas and Lisa. Our first several encounters with their daughters were not particularly notable. They were all adorable, but I had no idea how the future would unfold.

Three years later, November 2012, we flew to Dubai to spend a week living with Suzanne, Stephan and the girls. The evening we arrived, we all hung out. Stephan and I drank expensive Scotch. We all talked late into the evening.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a thought that seemed perfectly normal in my half-conscious haze: “If Suzanne and Stephan haven’t yet identified guardians for their daughters, we should volunteer.” I ruminated on that thought for hours that first night. I had discovered something, but I didn’t understand what it meant.

Fortunately, I came to my senses before the sun rose the next morning; I said nothing to Joanne or Suzanne. I loved every moment of our adventures together. But by the end of the trip, I still didn’t understand what it was all about.

Toward the end of the trip, Lisa joined us.

We shopped, we explored, we had dinner, and one day we had lunch at a spa in the desert, and then continued our adventure at the camel races. With my harem of Suzanne, Joanne, Lisa and another four of Suzanne’s friends, we made our way into the stadium seating.

The space would have held hundreds, and was nearly empty. Only a few men sat behind us. The women and I had crowded to the front. The ladies were quite enthusiastic, and quite loud.

After a few minutes, a gentleman in formal garb touched my shoulder, whispered in my ear to explain that we were sitting in the wrong section; “this area is reserved for the men.”

Welcome to Dubai!

I thanked him, and quietly spoke to Suzanne and Joanne to explain that we needed to move over two sections to our left.

The eight of us made our way over to the empty section of the stadium seating. Safely segregated from the men, we had a photo taken. Multiple gentlemen in the same formal garb returned carrying drinks and sandwiches for all of us; I took it as a thank you, and an apology for the imposition.

I’ve never felt closer to being a prince. After enjoying the camel races, I departed with my harem.

Occupied with work, my focus shifted, and with the shift, my need for answers faded. But five years later, I returned to my recollections of our first night in Dubai, and began to reassemble the pieces. I had fallen in love with all three girls. I would have given my life to protect them. The expression of the connection I felt came out as “guardian.” Same same.

Adam and Millie

On October 31, 2015, I became an uncle (again). Not exactly. But that's how I see it.

Paul and Andrea, and Joanne and I had been close before that visit, but that particular time living with us in our home seemed to cement our relationship. More than close friends, we moved toward something that felt more like brothers and sisters.

We all thoroughly enjoyed the time together. Visiting us from the UK, Paul and Andrea, and their children Adam and Millie, got the full US experience; each day lined up with fun and frolic, concluding with Halloween. Then, as their son Adam weighed his booty, and as Millie rolled in her candy, I fell in love again.

Our family was larger by four; two new siblings, and two more children.