Life, Lessons & Love

Flashing, Neon-Magenta Signs

December 26, 2020

“Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend. No way, no way, I think you need a new one.” — Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend

The universe, it seems, has a sense of humor, and always, a plan. And a quiet message.

Jackie

I “adopted” Jackie in August 2016. Just a month after our trip to the South Pacific, my heart was open to a degree I had never experienced before. Joanne, Reagan and I met with Jackie and her mother around our kitchen table as we prepared to send the girls off to college. Her beauty and joy were captivating. My heart was open, and she filled it. For me, it was love at first sight. I was mystified by the experience. Until, one year at college, I saw her with her peers. That day, it was finally clear: she loves everyone; the light in her eyes shines for all. In the first moment that our eyes met, I saw it, and I felt it. I felt special. I felt a special connection.

As I watched her beam at her fellow college students, hug them enthusiastically, and talk, I felt a little less special. Our connection wasn’t unique. Then I thought better of that conclusion: she is unique. She makes everyone feel special. And, that understanding made everything clear: how could you not love someone who pours out so much love into the world to everyone she sees. Another angel.

Emily

Emily had stayed in our home for sleepovers. But before 2016, Reagan had had so many boys and girls come through our home, it left my head spinning. I could keep up with the boys… they needed to be watched—closely! But I didn’t pay much attention to all of the girls.

Our adventures in the South Pacific that summer had opened my heart, and shifted my attitude and awareness. The opportunity to include Emily in our Christmas Market travel adventures through Europe in December 2016 was an obvious “yes.” If not before the trip, certainly by the conclusion of the trip, though she had a loving family of her own and didn’t “need” us, as a result of the bonds that had formed over time, she was also part of our family.

Lexi

Lexi had also been a fixture in our home for years. The groups would come and go, the relationships and various collections of girls shifted week to week, month to month and year after year.

For our 2017 trip to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, Joanne and I brought Abi, Gabe and Irie, and Reagan brought Jackie and Lexi. The eight of us crowded into our three bedroom, three bathroom beach house.

During the trip, I read Pam Grout's book, E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality. Experiment 5: The Dear Abby Principle, proposed an experiment:

“Ask the universe for a sign—a flashing, neon-magenta sign that will be a personal and unmistakable indication to you that there is higher power in the universe: God, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, the Universe, your higher Self; the distinction wasn’t the point. Expect a response within the hour.”

Early in the evening, Joanne and I sat in bed reading. A cacophony upstairs turned into stomping down the stairs, and then, with a boombox held high over her head, Lexi led her entourage into our bedroom. Reagan, Jackie, Abi, Gabe and Irie followed. Lexi led the way, bellowing out the lyrics to Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend.” Neon sign. Check! I didn’t take it personally. Not from Lexi, anyway. But, for me, the message from the Universe was unambiguous.

Earlier that day had been unprecedented as well. The girls had had one too many wine coolers the night before. Dehydrated, Lexi was massively hung-over, on the verge of alcohol poisoning and clearly in pain. Joanne rushed out to the store for Pedialyte, I sat on the foot of the bed beside Lexi and wrapped my arms around her. I leaned my head against her back, and held her for a minute or two. She breathed quietly. Jackie and Reagan sat at the head of the bed quietly. I recalled a friend’s story of an encounter with a woman who touched him, and poured love and energy into his heart just the month before. I focused on the same thought for Lexi. Joanne returned, Lexi took a sip of the Pedialyte, then collapsed into bed. We left her to sleep. An hour later, she bounded down the stairs as if she had never been better.

Cristina

Back in town in July after our “family” trip to Hilton Head, I had enjoyed the first result of the E-Squared experiment so thoroughly, that I decided to run the “experiment” a second time. I put my intention out to the universe, and waited. Just 15 minutes passed before the text message came in from Reagan: “can we have dinner with Cristina? Uncle Julios?” Cristina and Lexi had been best friends for as long as I had known them, so it made perfect sense that she’d be the vehicle for the second “flashing neon-magenta sign.” Dinner out on the patio at Uncle Julio’s was perfect—surrounded by three beautiful ladies, I thoroughly enjoyed the evening with Joanne, Reagan and Cristina. I shared a mutual hug with Cristina after dinner. We all walked together back to our cars. Then, before parting, she volunteered another hug goodnight. Check!

Allie

January 2018, with hearts and home open, and more space than ever, Allie C. came into our lives as Ally and Tommy were moving out.

Our time together was brief and tentative. Allie was going through a challenging time. She needed a place to live. At the time, girlfriend to one of Reagan’s girlfriend’s brothers, she came highly recommended. We met with Allie and her boyfriend James; my pre-condition for us saying “yes” to bringing her into our home. Without our asking, she laid out the ground rules we would have proscribed—James would not be spending the night, etc. etc. Allie was enchanting. Joanne and I said yes.

Allie moved in, and occupied Nick’s former bedroom. When she wasn’t working, she was tucked away there almost all the time. I was working from home full-time. So, at some point each morning, we’d chat in the kitchen. From time to time, we’d see each other in the afternoon or evening.

It was the most unusual form of intimacy I had ever experienced. I suppose it was like having a college roommate. I had missed out on that experience by living at home when I went to college. But with Allie, I had a roommate. She inspired my thoughts, and my writing for the first three months of the year. And, then, like so many of our “butterflies,” she flew away.

Epilogue

Lexi is a mom now. Once again, the English language falls short. Technically, I’m not a grandfather. But, close enough. Jonas also became a father prior to 2020—each year, it seems, the count increases!

Growing up in a quintessential nuclear family—my mom and dad, who married for life, modeled grace and mutual respect every day of their married lives, two children, two or at times, three cats—I had led a very sheltered life. In my first marriage, largely, I maintained the status quo. But, divorce, and the changes it would bring, opened my eyes to much larger truths.