Principles, Parenting & Purpose

Get Over It

August 25, 2025

“The big bad world doesn’t owe you a thing.” — Get Over It (1999 Remaster)

In each era, we go from one extreme to another. Are our problems internal or external? Are they individual, or are they global?

By now, you should know my answer: both, and all of the above.

Yet, as a culture, we still haven’t figured out which things truly matter. Not the things we’ve been told should matter—I mean: the things that will give us purpose, and will enable us to be happy and fulfilled.

Don Henley and Glenn Frey weren’t wrong when they told folks to “get over it.” At some levels, our narcissistic culture breeds a self-absorbed perspective on the world. But, the real problem may not be “your inner child” but instead, just a broken set of values, and pursuit of culture’s ideas about purpose.

We’ve gone from diagnoses of “hysteria” in the 1800s to Valium in the mid-1900s to a closet full of pharmaceuticals in the 21st century.

But, we have never seen the root causes well. Our culture continues to frame anxiety and depression as internal problems—diseases—rather than the result of external causes.

We should know better by now. Many doctors know the truth.

In his book, Lost Connections, Johann Hari called this out in 2018. These are not "diseases"—these are problems we all encounter in life:

disconnection from a hopeful or secure future

disconnection from nature

disconnection from status and respect

disconnection due to childhood trauma

loss of meaningful values

disconnection from other people

disconnection from meaningful work

Any one of these could be described as “depressing”—but combined, they can put us in a hole: Loss of purpose. Anxiety. Hopelessness. Depression.

During a low point in my marriage to Anne, I read Rick Warren's book, The Purpose Driven Life.

My summary take: there is no point to your life… without God, there is no purpose.

I found that extremely depressing.

More exactly, Rick’s thesis is simply: There is no purpose to your life except the purpose God gives you—to have purpose, you must follow God’s will.

As an antidote to cultural ideas about purpose, he’s not wrong. And at very deep level of understanding, I agree. But the framing distracts from a critically important truth:

Whether you follow God's guidance, or not, it remains your sovereign responsibility to build purpose in your life through your choices.

So, to start, rather than looking externally for guidance, try looking inside. Look deeply into your heart. Trust your own knowing. And invert the problems from Lost Connections to find your own answers:

What are you being told by social media, advertising, and the rest of our culture—what’s important? Reconsider.

What choices do you need to make to navigate into a hopeful and secure future?

What steps can you take to reconnect with nature regularly?

What forms of status and respect matter to you? Who do you want to respect you? What actions do you need to take to be what you want to be?

What traumas—childhood or otherwise—have you experienced? What are you doing to heal and grow?

What values were you taught? What values do you hold now? Look carefully at whether those values serve you well.

Who do you love? Who lifts you up and inspires you? Who helps you grow? When do you feel most connected to other people?

Explore your Ikigai. What steps do you need to take to be able to engage in meaningful work?

Answer these questions for yourself. Then, instead of wondering about your purpose, or the purpose of life, you’ll know the answers—deeply.

“The old story says our distress is fundamentally irrational, caused by faulty apparatus in our head. The new story says our distress is—however painful—in fact rational, and sane.” – Johann Hari, Lost Connections

There are often visible external causes for anxiety and depression. Examine those causes, and choose the path forward. Where do you want to be in five years? Who do you want to be in five years?

Don’t get over it—get through it. Look at your past. Look into your future. See clearly. Make good choices. Keep going!