Passion, Experience & Growth

Asymmetric Problems

August 12, 2020

“Boys will be boys” — Dua Lipa - Boys Will Be Boys (Official Lyrics Video)

In response to official news reports from London, a meme shared on Instagram observed:

“Women urged to carry keys between their fingers. Women urged to cover their drinks at all times. Women urged to not get drunk around men. Women urged to not walk alone at night. Women urged to carry pepper spray. CAN WE PLEASE URGE MEN TO NOT SEXUALLY ASSAULT WOMEN.”

The ideal is clear: All men should treat all women with respect. Or more generally, all people should treat everything with respect.

The problem is: Some men—and some women—treat others badly; at the extreme, assault, rape, and murder.

You can fix 99 out of 100 men, or 999 out of 1000 men, yet still leave women vulnerable to bad actors.

Alternatively, women can operate in the world in a way that empowers and secures their wellbeing against bad actors. This is a choice that every woman can make. This is the asymmetry.

The call to “fix men” is a false analysis.

The majority of men are commanded to treat all others with respect; I expect nothing less of myself, all the men I know, and all the boys and men I have raised. But because the problem is asymmetric—from a single woman’s perspective, all of these “good actors” can be made irrelevant by a single bad actor.

Further, the “fix men” stance disempowers women. It implicitly suggests that women should not be self-sufficient, able to operate in a dangerous world safely. Instead, it implies that women should remain dependent on their surroundings to ensure safe spaces.

The world is not safe. And no amount of idealization of how things should be will make them so. Bad people exist. Memes will not make them go away.

Beware the lies implicit in the memes being circulated.

Who should have the ultimate authority over your wellbeing? You? Or, another.